Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
