sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
