I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
