i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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