She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
