so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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