FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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