theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
