he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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