My cat gives me a boner
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
