I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
