I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Dick very happy bro
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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