i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
