So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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