If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
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