You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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