it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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