I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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