He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
