Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
