Nicole vs. Life
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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