I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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