You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
