it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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