I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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