i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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