I have demons in me.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
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you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My feet surprised me
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