fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
