Did you just see the Batmobile???
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
