One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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