Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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