I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
