I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
