U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just puked most of my soul out..
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
