I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
