OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
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