Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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