he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
