Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
