Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
