You really coming over, don't trick.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
