So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
