She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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