I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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