I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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