Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
