Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
