hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I still have a little drunk in my system
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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