It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
