tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
