I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
