Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
This is the high leading the old right now
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
