Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
