what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Mom said you looked used
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
