This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
