Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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