Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
