was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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