the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
they call him Oral-B. enough said
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
