walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
