his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
PS: I just woke up from my shower
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
