you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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