he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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