I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
