i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
